Carlo and Maria (not their real names) came into a session very upset. They stated that they had a major breakdown in their relationship. I asked what happened.
In the prior week Carlo came home from an AA meeting later than usual. He called to let Maria know he would be late, that he was hanging out with some AA friends getting coffee after the meeting.
Carlo reported, “She was a mess when I walked in the house, she totally lost it. I didn’t do anything wrong, I called”. Carlo added sarcastically, “What else could I have done, get a hall pass from my sponsor?”
Great article Bob! Thank you for leading out in challenging old notions of “co-dependency” and normalizing the traumatic responses of spouses!
Thank you. Rather than pathologizing emotions, I believe that understanding more about trauma reactions provides the road map to move through it over time.
Good example of PTSD for Maria with Carlo………….triggers and more. I need to look into what feelings I am experiencing now that I have been sober for 3+ years.
By definition, triggers seem to come out of the blue. One step is to try to consciously take notice when feeling a sudden change in your body. “Where in my body am I feeling this?” “What might I be feeling right now?”. If you aren’t sure, that is okay, it starts by noticing the change. Over time it will get easier with practice.