Initially there’s a collective sigh of relief when a partner or loved one gets sober. Partners feel hopeful that a sense of normality can find its way back into family life. However, relief is almost always followed by increasing levels of resentment, anxiety, fear, anger, and a host of other negative emotions. Making sense of these co-existing oppositional feelings is confusing. You’re probably thinking, “Shouldn’t I feel better now that my partner is finally sober?” But often, it’s not that simple.
In my article, "Trauma is Not Codependency: Learning the Difference", I address the importance of acknowledging and understanding that active addiction creates trauma for both the person with the addictive disorder as well as for partners and family members. It is important for couples to recognize and accept that the impact of addiction often follows couples and family well into recovery. This is normal and to be expected in most most circumstances.
For more information on addressing substance concerns in relationship: Interview "How to Manage Substance Abuse Issues and Recovery in Relationship". Featured on Podcast with Dr. Jessica Higgins There's a Problem: No There Isn't Morgan…
When a partner gets into recovery all sorts of emotions tend to come to the surface. These emotions may at times feel in opposition: hope next to fear, relief side-by-side with anger, and so on. If you have experienced these swings then you know how confusing and overwhelming emotions can be, sometimes rapidly go from one feeling to another.
Trust is basic to the foundation of any significant relationship. It is hard to imagine anybody feeling comfortable in a relationship where trust has been broken consistently. How do couples impacted by addiction and by recovery deal with the ongoing issue of trust - or more to he point mistrust?