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There are many paths to recovery, one size does not fit all. However, over the years I have found a missing piece that limits the great healing potential for individuals, couples and families. That glaring difficulty for many, if not most, couples impacted by addiction and recovery is that they are discouraged to begin couple recovery. Instead, the advice is to limit the focus to individual recoveries for each partner and family members. The following are “composites” of the stories I have heard from couples when a partner has been in outpatient or inpatient  treatment for addiction.  

Jon & Chris

Jon was admitted to a treatment program for his opioid addiction as part of his physician diversion program requirement. His partner, Chris, initially received a telephone call from the case worker to get some information. Chris was given information about family week and encouraged to attend. 

Jon was in treatment for over 50 days, during which time Chris tried to get information about Jon’s treatment and what was happening. Jon’s caseworker emphasized that this was the time for Chris to get individual support. No further contact was initiated by the caseworker until several days before Jon’s scheduled discharge. When Chris expressed concern and fear at not knowing what to expect after Jon returned back home, Chris was encouraged once again to go to Al-Anon and to “Work on your own program.”

Alan and Maria

Alan wondered why the family therapist at the program that Maria was admitted to kept talking about his contribution to her drinking. Alan was told it was important to support Maria in her new recovery.

While Alan felt this was a very important thing to discuss, he wondered why nobody seemed interested in how his wife’s alcohol use disorder of the last 11 years had affected him and their family. He was told to work his own program, which Alan was willing to do, but Alan also wanted to know how they could deal with issues as a couple. There were a lot of responsibilities and issues that still needed to be addressed. Alan was concerned about their 11-year old son, Jorge and behavior problems at school that started soon after Maria left for treatment. Alan struggled with how to handle Maria’s family, and their attempts to “help out” felt intrusive and seemed to contribute to Jorge’s acting out. He was told to put these issues on hold for now.

Jasmin and Terrell

Jasmin didn’t understand why Terrell had to attend so many meetings. On top of that, he also saw a therapist once a week. It seemed like he was never home. After all, After years of Terrell’s destructive relationship with substances and endless fights, she felt a little guilty at feeling some of the old feelings, even though he had appeared to stop using. 

Jasmin needed Terrell to step up more and  help out more at home with their son their son who needed a lot of help with homework.. Terrell felt panic, he felt pressured by Jasmin to not go to his Thursday night meeting, his home meeting and the place he felt he got the most support after leaving the hospital. It felt like a no win situation to the both of them

Roadmap for the Journey: A Path For Couple Recovery

Relationship stability is the single biggest predictor of successful recovery. While addiction is often referred to as a “family disease”, couple recovery is typically postponed in favor of encouraging and emphasizing individual recovery. Unfortunately, this approach misses the opportunity to help couples integrate recovery into couple and family life. Whether partners are newly recovering, or recovery has been established over a long period of time, it is important to talk about what has happened, and how to create a path going forward that is healthy for partners and their relationship. Individual and relationship concerns are not mutually exclusive, however, couples need both permission and tools.

A Research-based Approach to Helping Couples Impacted by Addiction and Now in Recovery

Roadmap for the Journey represents over two decades of research on what successful couples have done to create a relationship focus that is a part of their recovery process.

In my training workshops for therapists, I emphasize the importance of advocating for couple recovery. Couples need to emphasize it as well, It is time to include this missing puzzle piece in recovery models where it is still missing.

Roadmap For The Journey is a workshop designed for couples impacted by addiction, and now in the recovery process. I have been invited to give this workshop in a number of treatment programs, and the results have been positive.